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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ally advice #i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone #i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life #i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young #sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy...#...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways...#...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down...#...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen...#...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory #and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future #i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways #i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being

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diino8081 · 21 days ago

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swap au or something

ekko -> viktor

viktor -> jinx

jinx -> ekko

i read this fic and got inspired. it doesn't follow the canon to it but it inspired me (do check it out though it's really cool)

if you got any au questions then throw em at me (i've only watched arcane once tho so i might not have answers)

(more in the tags)

#diinoposting #yippee diino art #random au ideas #arcane swap au #arcane #ekko arcane #jinx arcane #viktor arcane #forgot to add #viktor gets 2 hexclaws for braid equivalent #they also are what he uses the stolen hextech to power #as like equivalent also to jinx's guns and weapons #it's cool #ekko here still becomes machine herald in place of vik #it's less religiony but he is still saviour in the eyes of the healed #jinx at first still quite likes bombs but switched to more defensive weapons after creating the firelights #definitely will still create time travel too #jayvik probably won't happen in this au except for maybe really later. they kinda fought at the start and it was pretty irreversable #viktor hates jayce and piltover with a passion because viktor created a bomb and was gonna use it on enforcers but jayce thinks now that al #-zaunites are chaotic and violent. he doesn't want to work with someone who's making bombs that will kill their beloved police force #this is like really far back tho. a couple years or so after viktor's boat scene. so it's not exactly fully rational thought yet #since they got small child brains (in terms of development and core values. they're still both super smart)#then since hears their argument and viktor accidentally sets off the bomb. jayce retreats and takes their main notebook back to piltover.#singed i mean. typo #meanwhile vik gets adopted by silco who promises that jayce and the rest of piltover will see his potential someday (likely violently tbfr)#the bomb and the boat are currently his best work and silco sees use in all of it. the bombs are well. bombs. but the boat has really well #-made mechanisms which can be used for other stuff #i think im gonna stop rambling in the tags now lol #any questions feel free to ask cause this idea has definitely split off from it's source inspiration #ok thanks gang

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griseldabanks · 9 months ago

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Let Me Count the Ways ask game

Requested by @sergeanttomycaptain

Fandom: Captain America Relationship: BrooklynBros Prompts: "I can't imagine how I lived without you. I mean, I can remember it, but I can't imagine how I considered that living." AND "Leave you? You know how hard it was for me to TRAIN YOU to deal with me?"

Please note that this takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but specifically with my fix-it ending where Steve stays. If you're interested in learning more, please check out my fic "Let This One Remain."

“I'm telling you, it's really not that interesting,” Steve said.

“I'll be the judge of that.” Bucky clutched the steering wheel with both hands, not taking his eyes off the road.

Steve eyed his best friend warily, wishing once again he'd just kept his mouth shut. But when he'd noticed the name on the highway sign, he'd blurted out that S.H.I.E.L.D. had sent him to a retreat not far from there right after he'd gotten out of the ice. And then Bucky had inexplicably made an illegal U-turn and demanded further directions.

With a sigh, Steve pointed out the turn he still remembered from all those years ago. How many had it been? Eleven? Twelve?

As they crunched along a gravel road overgrown with weeds and filled with watery potholes, Bucky said, “They'll be gone, right? S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“Probably. I can't imagine anyone would still be using it after all these years.”

“Good.”

“It really wasn't that bad,” Steve said for the fifth time. “I just sat around for a couple weeks and read up on what happened with the war and everything. Look, you can see the pond now. It was like being on vacation.”

“How many vacation spots do you know that have barbed-wire fences?” Bucky stopped with a jerk in front of the gate blocking the drive—and sure enough, the fence that stretched in either direction was topped with barbed wire.

When he looked through the gaps in the fence, Steve spotted the cabin right away. The trees on either side were taller than he remembered, and the grass and weeds along the path grew wild and untrimmed. Steve found his gaze locking immediately on the window through which he'd watched the sun rise every morning after each restless, sleepless night.

The hairs on the back of his neck rose, for some reason. Even though it was the hottest part of the day.

“Come on,” Steve said, opening his door to the rasping chorus of hundreds of cicadas. “If we're going to do this, we'll need to make sure the fence isn't electrified anymore.”

Bucky shot him a look of sheer outrage, but Steve ignored him and walked over to the fence.

There was no hum of electricity like he remembered from before, and sure enough, when he reached out to touch it, he felt nothing but sun-warmed metal. Just as he'd expected—no one would have been around to keep the power on. But the lock still looked solid. Steve looked over his shoulder at Bucky, who was still glowering at the fence. “Here, want to give me a hand?”

“That joke still hasn't gotten old yet, huh?” Bucky gave him a flat look as he casually reached out with his vibranium hand and yanked the gate open with one smooth motion, the lock falling uselessly into the dust.

Steve winked and led the way into the Retreat.

The door to the cabin was locked too, but it was even easier to break that lock and get inside. Everything looked more or less the way Steve remembered, albeit covered with a thin layer of dust. A living room with a couple couches and a fireplace, a kitchen, a bedroom...everything a newly-defrosted supersoldier could need.

“They were watching you?” Bucky jabbed a finger up at one corner of the ceiling, where a small black camera sat collecting dust.

“Yeah. Security, I guess.”

Steve gazed up at the camera, remembering when he'd first looked up and realized what it was. The way the whole cabin had seemed to shrink around him, like there were secret agents hiding in the walls, watching for the slightest sign he was about to crack. They'd told him he would stay there until he was 'ready,' and Steve had realized they would be watching him to decide when that was. If he wanted to leave, he would need to prove that he was still capable of being Captain America for them.

It was like being on stage again, wearing a costume and dancing for a crowd. Only this time, there would be no ducking behind the curtain and taking a breather backstage.

Remembering that made Steve's skin crawl.

Bucky wandered farther into the cabin, glaring around at everything like it had personally offended him. Sam would have laughed at him. Not for the first time, Steve wished they could have invited him on their cross-country road trip too, but he was Captain America now. He had a lot of hands to shake and babies to kiss, and hopefully no more world-ending catastrophes for a little while.

Steve strolled into the bedroom, thinking back to the last time he'd been in here. When he had been Captain America, and had to somehow come to grips with the knowledge that, despite everything he'd done and everything he'd sacrificed, the fight still wasn't over.

The same plaid blanket lay on the neatly made bed. Steve sank onto the side of the bed, kicking up a small cloud of dust. Even the dust smelled the same.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine he was back here to stay. That everything that had happened in the past decade had all been a dream. Maybe none of that had really happened—no Avengers, no Thanos. No Sharon. No Sam. No Bucky. Nothing but days upon days stretching out before him, his whole future nothing but a huge question mark. Nothing to do but reflect on the past, dwell on his mistakes, learn all the things that had happened without him and realize just how powerless he was.

How small. How weak. How alone.

“Steve?”

With a breath that caught in his throat, Steve opened his eyes again and found himself looking at Bucky, standing in the doorway and watching him with a furrow in his brow. He tried to smile, but that only made Bucky look more concerned than ever.

Bucky crossed the room and sat down next to Steve, reaching up and brushing the knuckles of his right hand across Steve's cheek. Only when his fingers came away wet did Steve realize he was crying.

“I don't....” Steve wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but it didn't matter, because his voice died in his throat.

“Here.” Bucky scooted a little closer, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Steve turned in to the embrace with a desperation that surprised even him, throwing his arms around Bucky and crushing him against his chest. He needed to feel Bucky there—alive, real, present. Not a dream, not a memory. Not flakes of snow or ash slipping through his fingers. A warm, solid man right there at his side, like it was supposed to be.

They stayed like that for long minutes that stretched out endlessly. Time seemed meaningless here, just like when they'd brought him here the first time. He could have been here for a day. He could have been here for centuries. But for once, Steve didn't mind. He could feel Bucky's arms around him—one soft and warm, one hard and cold. Both of them strong enough to support him, no matter what he faced.

“You okay?” Bucky finally murmured.

Steve sniffled. “I wanted to see Niagara Falls. Would've been more fun than here.”

Bucky pulled back, but let his hand fall easily into Steve's. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I just...wanted to see what it was like. How you lived...while I wasn't there.”

Steve let out a mirthless chuckle, running a hand across his eyes. “I can't imagine how I lived without you. I mean, I can remember it, but I can't imagine how I considered that living.”

No...it really wasn't living. Not in this cabin. Not for the past five years.

“I was just...existing. Carrying on...almost out of habit. Trying to remember why.” He let out a shaky breath, tightening his grip around Bucky's hand. “It's a lot easier when you're here.”

“Sorry it took me so long to come back.”

All Steve could do was nod. They'd had this conversation before, multiple times. They'd probably have it again. And again. As many times as it took before Steve's brain finally caught up to the reality that they were together again.

They sat there for a few more minutes, Steve settling against Bucky's side, the two of them breathing together. Steve focused on the simple sensations that grounded him in the present, reassuring him that he hadn't just woken up from the ice. So much had happened since then, both good and bad.

The days he'd spent in this cabin hadn't been the end of the story.

Eventually, they got up and meandered back outside, still holding hands. Standing at the edge of the pond, looking out at the water and the overgrown bank, Steve listened to the chirring of cicadas and smelled the hot, dusty summer evening air. He felt Bucky's hand in his, slightly sweaty but comfortably familiar. He felt the weight of his phone in his pocket, a comforting reminder that he would be calling Sharon tonight when they found a motel. Maybe in the morning he would call Sam.

He had roots here now, in the 21st century. A home, a place where he belonged. Or people he belonged with, rather. Daily reminders that he had something to live for.

“What are you thinking about?” Bucky asked, breaking into his thoughts.

Steve looked over at him, at the setting sun turning the edges of his dark hair to gold. That face he knew so well, looking at him expectantly, his keen eyes full of sympathy. Steve had to swallow a lump in his throat before he could say, “Can I...ask something selfish?”

“Please do.”

“Don't leave me. Don't...Don't ever leave me again.”

Bucky's eyebrows pinched together for a moment, but then his mouth slid into an easy smile. “Leave you? You know how hard it was for me to train you to deal with me?”

Steve smiled back. The golden sunlight seemed to seep into his skin and sink all the way down to his bones, thawing out any last traces of ice that remained. “Not that hard.”

“Keep telling yourself that, punk,” Bucky said, turning and leading the way back to the car. “After decades of investment, you really think I'd let you walk away now?”

Steve didn't let go of his hand. Together, they stepped through the gate and left the Retreat behind. Within minutes, it was nothing but a dusty smudge on the horizon.

#btw i've never seen any of agents of shield so i don't actually have any firsthand knowledge of the retreat #so i probably got it all wrong but oh well - i did my best! XP #ari asked for this specific scenario and to use BOTH prompts so that's what i did!#ask games #let me count the ways #captain america #avengers #avengers: endgame #steve rogers #bucky barnes #brooklynbros

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flowerbloom-arts · 2 years ago

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A sort of prequel to this post with the middle-aged Muddler putting down Moominpappa for his reckless decision-making.

It's just... I don't know. A younger Moominpappa having a proper conversation with a realist who is completely unable to get behind anything about him wouldn't be something he wants nor needs to hear.

#moomins #moominvalley #art #joxter #the joxter #moomin joxter #moomin muddler #the muddler #moominpappa #young moominpappa #comic #minor swearing #I don't think younger MP would receive a direct reality check very well all things considered #when THAT has been the one thing one's gotten from their subpar caretaker and you develop a cluster b disorder BECAUSE of it.....#criticising him for being an immature attention seeker really..... is not the best way to navigate his issues at this stage of his life #especially coming from someone he has no basic respect for on a personal level. he wants someone to build him UP not tear him down again #which is exactly the kind of person Moominmamma would be and still continues to be in the present day #once he's build enough of a life for himself THEN you can knock him down a peg for his decisions without him retreating away

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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 1 month ago

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i despise Uncomfortable Realisations so much. there better be chocolate in the house or smth ugh

#a biscuit's rambles #was at a party and uhhhhhh. well. it wasnt. very fun #i mean ive been stressed for ages and i didnt manage to get into the mood before anything even happened so that does make a difference ofc #but i also did retreat outside for some space n air n good music and uh.#yeah. i was gone for a full hour and no one ever noticed i even left. kinda. depressing #also so many of my friends are picking up so many unhealthy habits and its terrifying yay #its not my job nor my ability to save them i cant do more than offer some help but damn that does hurt #but like. cant wait to get out of here anyway. i need to meet people who actually have similarities with me #i cant connect to any of them including my best friends and its getting more and more obvious #well. to me. idk how much they even notice of me lol #But on the bright side that one alt place for teens Exists so ill go there soon and see if i meet anyone there #anyone who like. gets me a little. or at least listens to what i consider actually good music #god the music at that party was so incredibly awful #and i dont drink and my brain didnt manage to detach into a Silly State close to being slightly drunk so i got the full force of it lmao #anywayyyyy #my mum is working with me to possible get a diagnosis of what my brain weirdness even is so! yay for that!

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licorishh · 8 months ago

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Replayed Modern Warfare 3 2011 on Veteran tonight and goooooooood night. Blood Brothers never gets any easier to watch no matter how many times you've done it and the ending really never misses huh

I apologize for the amount of yapping in the tags I reread it all on mobile and started giggling because it went on for so long but eh. Blessed are those who won't shut the freak up and all that

#call of duty #modern warfare 3 2011 #i just. wow. wow wow wow wow wow #i've played these three games so many times over the last several years and i just.#they literally. never get old.#loose ends and blood brothers will never not make me cry and endgame and dust to dust will never not make me smile so hard #ending it with price smoking the cigar like he did in the first mission in the first game wHEN HE FIRST MET SOAP JUST UGHHHHHH.#i know y'all don't care but i don't care that y'all don't care i could literally yap about this until i shrivel up and die #i have never ever ever in my LIFE seen poetic justice played out so beautifully like it is at the very end #JUST. WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. WOW WOW. WOW #they do not frickin make games like that anymore DADGUM #i also forgot how frickin sad down the rabbit hole is?? like jeez louise they didn't have much screen time but gosh #i also have never in my life heard such gut-wrenching anguish from a grown man in my life like price in that one scene #I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT MAN MAKES ME FULL ON S O B IN THAT PART HE HAD NO BUSINESS #anyway i'll keep cutely living in denial and pretending literally any of the main characters besides price and nikolai are fine <3 #foley and dunn and their team seemed just fine at the end of modern warfare 2 so i will accept that small mercy #at this point these games have taken everything else i love away from me so #y'all probably think i'm wild for how insane i get over these games but the nostalgia bit is a big part of it as well #like they're honestly in my opinion genuinely the greatest video games of all time #but the fact that i have that connection with my dad makes it so special #crazy cause he said he also cried in blood brothers and my dad is 54 and i have seen him cry one (1) other time in my entire life #heck infinity ward but also bless them i hope the devs live long beautiful wonderful prosperous delightful exciting fulfilling lives #Lord bless them and their entire bloodline for the contributions they have made to humanity not even joking #AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING SOUNDTRACKS DO NOT GO THERE OAUSYDJAKAKDN #MW2 AND MW3 CREDITS. EXTRACTION POINT. COUP DE GRACE. RETREAT AND REVEILLE. CONTINGENCY. PARIS SIEGE. PRAGUE HOSTILITIES. RUSSIAN WARFARE.#UGHHHHHHHGHHHH everything about these games is so unbelievably perfect and immaculate #i have got to get over my art block NOWWWWWWWWWW #makarov is also the best villain i've ever seen idc bro he's frickin awesome #i mean obviously he's horrible and a disgustingly evil human being but as a character he's stupidly well-written

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confluenceretreats1 · 2 months ago

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the-neeraj-nature-cure · 2 months ago

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